Yes, I’d love to play…… with you

Yes, I’d love to play…… with you


Teenage terror had a mate over for the weekend just gone. A whole weekend, so they went beyond their usual x-box games, movies, soccer, and general teenage hanging out stuff they would do during a short term visit. And then I did the nasty mum thing… “please turn the x-box and tv off” for a while and find something else to do.”


Uh- oh – looks like the damage could be fatal. They are lost, they are miserable, they are wailing with the injustice of it all… They’ve got NOTHING to do, they’re bored, they don’t want to do x, y, or z because they’ve already done it or its too hot / cold / energetic / blah blah for them.


I suggest a game, monopoly?, cranium? No – too boring! How about some cards, perhaps…. OK, they’ve settled on cards. But will you play with us mum? It's much better with 3.


Will I play? Will I take out a few hours of my precious weekend to sit with some rowdy boys to play some game I probably don’t like and probably won’t understand their version of the rules and how they change constantly… well. Let’s see. I had planned to: clean the kitchen, do a load of laundry, go for a walk with the dog while the weather is nice, plant those peas before it rains, go to the gym, read my book, relax, socialise with grownups…. Hmmmm looks like I didn’t have anything important on. Who would’ve thought it?







Of course,YES - I’d love to play cards with you !!

So we play some cards – some games that I don’t particularly enjoy and then I teach them a new game (Switch - old fashioned UNO before they decorated the cards and wrote instructions on them). Wow – they love it! And I win !! Then I win again!! Don’t feel bad boys – I tell them, I am the switch playing champion of the world after all !! Aha!! The challenge is on. They start to work together (Cheats!) to do anything to beat me, to kill, me to "own" me!! And finally they do. Yay – success!

All are happy (even me – while nursing my now bruised ego).



Time to pack it up – we’ve got to .. (get dinner, go out, do x, y, z…)


What? No, let’s keep playing – they say. Pleeeeease.

And that is why I say yes to doing things that the kids want to do.. even when it’s not my first and natural choice to.

PS... I also say yes frequently to playing cricket (yuk), watching kid's TV and movies like - Ironman & Spiderman, playing X-box games (sometimes), playing monopoly, playing tennis, playing soccer, playing squash, swimming in the ocean, doing the obstacle course at the pool !, going into town, picking up friends, having kids over, visiting my family...etc  (btw  I don't necessarily not like all these things all the time...some of them I even do like !)

Wednesday is Gratitude Day:

I've read (and I have a sense of it myself) that remembering and considering the good parts of your life and being grateful for them is a healthy step to being and staying happy!!  SO... Wednesday is Gratitude Day.

Today I am grateful for… (my awareness of) the beauty of trees.


This one is a beauty that I look across at from down the road where I park to wait to pick up my son from the school bus.

Not sure what it is… (one of life’s future challenges is to find out !).

There is a line of gorgeous gums down the road from my parents house, and I want to recreate that beauty at my place.


Another thing I’m grateful for is the serendipitous way I got talking to a man I’ve never met before – about eucalypts! He had extensive knowledge, a passion and enthusiasm that I found contagious, and he’d even read…

Eucalyptus - by Murray Bail


Following my conversation with the man of trees, I now think my trees are lemon scented gums, although they have a pinkish tinged bark which caused me some confusion initially. I will take a pic and show you when I visit it in a few weeks.


Isn’t it fantastic when you meet some one with whom you share even just a tiny moment of having something intensely in common. And yet you know you can travel many hours and many miles before such a chance meeting will happen again. So I enjoyed our exchange – he even knew about eucalypt deglupta (otherwise known as “rainbow eucalyptus – wonder why?)

and how it is one of the very few eucalypt species that aren’t native to Australia, (I want to try to grow one !!)


and he explained to me the difference between salmon gum and lemon scented gums..

and how the colour of the trunks – although most distracting visually – can be a red herring as to species identification. Fascinating!!


Thank you Peter, for sharing your joy of trees with me!

Double Edged Sword

Raizo Ichikawa in Samurai Vendetta

© 1959 Kadokawa Pictures, Inc.

Watching your children grow up is a sharp and dangerous double edged sword. We do everything in our parenting power to prepare our children for independence and yet when it starts to arrive it stabs us in the heart. How hard is it to let go? Soooooo hard.



For a number of reasons.


• Timing – when is the right time to let go? Is there a certain age or stage that is best, or does it come and go in snippets.. no sooner do you think they are grown then they revert.


• Habit – we are so used to having them depend on us, perhaps in some way we sometimes depend on them to make us feel complete. Then letting them go is a scary time for us, because we now need to face the “who am I’ question and the answer is likely to be a shock!


• Fear – for them. It’s a big scary world out there. Have we taught them enough to get by, to do best, to survive the day even? Will they really do their homework (or equivalent) without prompting, will they eat properly, will they clean their teeth, shower frequently (this applies to boys!), be nice to their neighbours. We have a genuine sense of anxiety for them and about them – I don’t think we should feel guilty for this. Just be aware.


• Control – Let’s face it… as a parent we have a degree of control over our children and their lives.  Let's face it.  Control = a sense of knowing = a sense of security = safety. It’s hard to relinquish that safety. Human nature drives us to seek that safety. As a parent, we must first be AWARE that we have control, then seek to deliberately release the need for that sense of control. I recommend doing it slowly, piece by piece, with lots of time taken for consideration, reflection, self – reassurance along the way.



My boy is 14. I am feeling the edge of the sword quite sharply on occasion these days. And he is certainly pushing for independence on a growing basis each day it seems. I try to remember that it is his job to push for this, that it is my job to weigh the need with the ability and balance the difference. He is trying to establish a distance between us sometimes… nothing personal but important for him to develop independence. Time to allow him opinions that I don’t share, hobbies I don’t approve of, fashion that I don’t like. It can be uncomfortable – watching the change unfold in front of you.

 When things get hard, I try to think in terms of his needs for growth – not my needs for safety. That’s what good parenting is all about.


Ouch.

Off to school…

First day at school is always such a big deal… for mum as well as child! I recently sent one of my non-human babies off to school. After 3 years in the paddock, growing up and learning the basic rules, it was finally time to take him on a big journey all on his own, then leave him ALL ON HIS OWN, in the care of the chosen “teachers”. I referred to it as Boarding School. Here he is in his uniform – first day of class!!

 

It was hard to leave him there, and it was a very real reminder as to why I’m so glad I didn’t have to consider sending my human child to boarding school. Why would you ? The only reason I can see that makes any sense is that you live in an isolated area and cannot access a school any other way. School for primary aged kids – is just cruel and unnatural.


My niece has recently elected to attend a specialist arts school in the city 300kms away from home. She is 15. What a brave girl. She is really independent, confident, well-loved, adventurous.. and although she LOVES the school, she hates the boarding away part. She misses her mom, her brothers, her dad and grandparents, the familiar and comforting ways of home life. One can only imagine how much worse it would be if she hadn’t chosen the path herself, and didn’t know that she could come home at any time if it got too hard.

Just recently finished a book based on boarding school life.. called “Boy on A Wire” by Jon Doust.


Very real, quite funny – worth a look.









Anyone have any boarding school experiences that really shaped them? 
(hint, hint - invitation to comment!)

Mother's Day

Last year Mother's Day was a disaster.  Hubby didn't get son organised to go shopping, forgot to remind him in general.  In fact, probably forgot in general.  You see "special days" are a no go for hubby - but a big deal for me!!  This does cause a bit of friction occasionally as I would like to model my attitude for son to follow.  In my line of thinking "special days' are a good natural lead up to family traditions and they give a sense of family and home and safety to children (and to mums & dads!).

So last year, nobody even mentioned "Happy Mother's Day", no gift, no brekky in bed...  By 2pm I was ready to leave home - feeling very under-valued and neglected.  Needless to say, I did express my feelings to family.  Luckily, I found a friend to have coffee with and her Mother's Day was just as bad. We were able to console each other and go home without wanting to kill our partners and children.

But this year, I took it upon myself to remind son, to give hints for son, in the end I basically suggested a low cost gift, gave details and helped him to make it...

And this it it...

             

Isn't it gorgeous... its a voucher system where I hand in one of the "cheques" in exchange for the promise he has made on it. 

He promises to oblige...

I am really touched by it - even though I did suggest it and give technical support in all aspects... he has come up with some ideas that he knows really mean a lot to me... and in return will really "cost" him something that is important to him....

I feel loved.  I feel valued.  I think it is so cute I don't know if I have the heart to break out one of the "cheques"...  Just want to keep it and look at it every now and then to remind myself how he does love me.

Where did I get said idea in the first place....  from the voucher book he gave me 7 years ago when in Grade 2 (age 7).  That was definitely too cute to use... so I still have it in my bedside table.