I read an interesting article by Steve Pavlina, called "The past DOES equal or future" which is based around how our future is predicted by our past. That is, you can fairly accurately predict where you’re going to be in the future based on what you’ve done in the past. It’s a very interesting article and initially I found it somewhat depressing.. . seeing as how I’m not in a high paid, well respected job, I have a history of relationship problems, etc. Things I don’t want to see myself being and doing in the future. I was hoping for a big change to magically happen.
But it all comes down to habits. We develop habits and the habits drive us through our life. Now if you are a smoker (or a nail biter or a lip chewer or an over eater, over drinker) …. you know how hard it is to stop a habit. In fact, in relation to how much we want it to happen, it rarely happens. And often a change we make initially will blow out over time and the old habit will return. (Yuk! Why is it so hard? What sort of system is this?)
But the way to change our future is to develop new habits !! In a conscientious and seriously committed effort, we can start doing something new over & over, enough times, until it becomes the new habit. I remember reading once about how many times it takes to make something an automatic habit.. it’s quite a bit.
For example, I did this recently without being aware of the process. I used to drink Milo (didn’t like tea or coffee). Milo is not too bad, but high in sugar and I couldn’t really stomach more than one or two a day. I though giving up Milo would help me control my weight. So I tried (& failed) to give it up. Then one day I tasted Chai tea. It was OK. So I started to have the odd Chai tea at night instead of my regular Milo. Sometimes, I would be halfway through the Chai and I would throw it out and go make myself a Milo. But I kept trying it. Eventually, I found I could be happy with either. Now (about 1½ years later) I prefer Chai most of time. In fact, I think a good cup of Chai is one of life's ultimate simple pleasures! I never even consider having Milo. Ta daa !! New habit is formed.
I’m going to use this process now in an aware state, to mould what I do and how my future will look.
And I realise that without knowing it, I’ve been trying to develop good habits with my son. I’ve tried to develop habits like eating good food before treats, using good manners, doing chores before goofing off, cleaning teeth every morning and night, putting on fresh underwear morning and night etc. Some things I’ve succeeded at… for YEARS I chanted and sang at him as he came out of the toilet … “seat down, turn off the light, shut the door, wash your hands…” Then one day I heard him chanting it. And then I heard him telling his buddies when they come visit – "don’t forget to shut the door and wash your hands". Yay – successful parenting job !! Good habit established. (I still keep check and back these up things when necessary).
Now he’s older, I’m trying to encourage new development of good habits in eating, exercise, homework patterns, socialising, school / play / chores balance etc.
I like knowing what the process is now – it gives me fresh focus, motivation & hope.
xx
No comments:
Post a Comment